German Man Myth #1 : German guys don't date.

So I don't know how many of you have actually spent time around a German guy but if you spend enough time around several of them, they will try to convince you that they do not date. "it tis not sa vay sings werk around here" they might say.
Well, I call BS....bullshit!!!
The fact is that German men do one of two things.
"I'm not dating scenario #1"
A German guy, we will call him Helmut, is telling me about a girl he has been hanging out with and getting to know. I ask him what sorts of things he does with said girl. He says that he goes to coffee, goes to the movies, maybe has dinner, goes to concerts, and takes her to the theater. Interesting.
I then begin to probe further with the question "and how often do you do this?"
Now at this point I am fully expecting a once every two weeks/twice a month sort of answer because in my head really anything more would qualify as the dirty word...dating.
Helmut thinks very hard and is organizing things in the wonderful time table that is his brain.

He then replies, "oh once or twice a week"

To which I shout, "what? you are sooo dating her"

Helmut gets defensive (after all he just told me he doesn't date) and tells me that they see each other but there is no actual intention of a relationship...they could just as easily be friends but he doesn't know. If they were "dating" it would mean something romantic....that is not to say however, that if he feels he might want to have a relationship, the possibility is there.

Okay, this is where I give my perplexed look and say in a very sarcastic tone "Oh your so right, you are totally not dating her...I'm not sure what your doing, but it most definitely would not be dating."

Helmut is not convinced that he has completely won me over with his words (maybe it was the thick sarcasm) so he then makes the statement "And she doesn't expect anything, she is just getting to know me, plus I never said that it was a romantic connection"
At this point, I am laughing rather hysterically and then ask him, "did she SAY that to you?"

Helmut's short reply, "no"

I wasn't quite sure how to break the news to him so I tried to just recap the situation for him. "Okay, let's take a look at this. You are "getting to know" this girl about once or twice a week by taking her to do various activities together. And there is no romantic intention but it could lead to something later on, but you aren't sure."

Helmut's short reply, "exactly, definitely not the definition of dating"

I then ask one final question, "Is she a woman?"

Helmut is getting rather annoyed, "Yes, of course."

I state, "Then you are DATING?"

Helmut gets a worried look on his face as I sip on my glass of red wine.

The fact is that German men DO INDEED DATE, they just don't admit to it, so that there is no commitment one way or the other....I don't give a shit, call what you want.. skippitybibbtybop or wackitydo, but you are STILL dating.

"I'm not dating scenario #2"

I like to call this one "the I slept with her and now she is my girlfriend."

So this is one I just won't ever understand because German men see this as a BETTER option to dating. I have no idea how many guy friends I have in Germany that have acquired girlfriends overnight...but by GOD they don't date!!! This only spells danger to me. I swear that I have had friends go out to lunch on a Friday and by Sunday they were no longer single...granted the "relationships" only last about 3 months but it was WAY better than dating...sure, you just tell yourself that. I don't know about y'all but I'd just really rather BREAK-UP with a GIRLFRIEND then not tell her we were a match....much easier. I think I shall make my point by writing out the different scenarios.

The "dating" couple (Hans and Gretel are at the end of about the 3rd date and it has been about 3 weeks)

Hans: So I know we've been on a few dates but I just am not feeling the connection.

Gretel: Really? (she is really quite relieved at this moment) I thought we had some nice chats.

Hans: We did. It was a nice time but I think I just need something different.

Gretel: Okay well, good luck

Hans: Same to you.

Gretel: Thanks for being honest with me. Good night!

Hans: Good Night!

Okay and now.....

The "in-a-relationship after sex" couple (Otto and Julia became a couple after 3 days and now they are about 3 weeks into the relationship)

Otto: So I know we have been together for about 3 weeks but I'm just really not feeling the connection.

Julia: What? Are you trying to break-up with me?

Otto: Well, you know we haven't really been together that long and I just really don't think that we are compatible.

Julia: So you aren't even willing to work this out? How could you be such a bastard?

Otto: Now, wait a minute, I'm being honest.

Julia: No, you are being cruel and I am not going to allow you to break-up with me, mister. You just go home and sleep a night and then maybe you will have come to your senses. Think about that

Otto: Okay Good night?

Julia: Good night...and by the way, my favorite flowers are dahlias.


So after those two scenes, which one is the better solution....I think I've proved my point.

And in the case of the "I slept with her now she is my girlfriend," the German guys most certainly didn't date. I agree with that, but really, look where it got him. Nough said.